Episode 3 – Respec

If you are a video gamer, you may be familiar with the concept of a respec during a playthrough (as in respecification.) You advance down one particular skill tree as you level up and grow, but sometimes you realize that the path you are on isn’t quite the one you want to be on anymore. Luckily, in a video game, you can often just start over, reallocating your points to different skills or stats to build out your character in the direction you want to go. In real life, it’s a little harder.

In this episode, we’re talking about some of the curveballs life has thrown at us, and how we adjusted (and are adjusting) our kink lifestyle to fit. Join us!


  1. Everyone has their pasts, their traumas, their concerns, and issues. When it comes to any sort of intimacy, that gets doubled. It’s so very critical to be able to work those things out with any partner, especially when dealing with the high and volatile emotional states that a lot of kinks can create, and it’s really important to see that addressed here. Life gets in the way, triggers throw up a hard Red, signals get crossed, those odd mental gymnastics of not wanting to bring something up out of worry that bringing said thing up will make said worry manifest, and it all drives home how crucial communication is between partners.
    Your partner is a friend first, a kinkster later. It’s easy to lose that as the background noise and complacency take hold. This is an important one, and it’s good, important, and impressive to hear such things discussed so openly. Great work!

    1. It was particularly timely for us, because things were getting rough. We’ve also been parents for nearly the last 18 years. While it’s paramount that “Friend” comes first, this friendship often takes a back seat to parenting (and in many ways, is right to do so).

      Just like anything else, it’s important that we keep talking and *SAY* the things out loud that we don’t want to. We are often our own worst enemy and relationship destroyer just from the internal dialogue of things we didn’t say.

      Thank you @Mjao for the excellent feedback!

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